I’ve been seeing a lot of videos that show Christmas in the 90s.

They suck you in with the nostalgia of it all. Bing Crosby in the background, while showing incandescent lights that are impossible to find these days.

You can almost smell the cookies baking in the oven, while mom is watching TV in the kitchen.

You feel a pit in your stomach.

Why is that feeling gone? Where did it go?

You hear other adults talk about getting back to that feeling; searching for something that no longer exists.

How does a feeling just disappear?

I’ve been longing for that feeling for over half my life. It’s been decades since I experienced that magic.

Then, I became a mom.

I dreamed of giving my daughter the Christmas’s that I grew up with. I envisioned how I could give her the same whimsy.

It hit me.

My mom was the magic.