As someone who never wanted a child, one of the first thoughts I had when I found out I was pregnant was, “What about my business?”
I won’t let the world make me feel guilty for those thoughts. They are valid. Men think them all of the time. I love my business. I love the women I create art with. I love making money. I love having independence that’s separate from my husband, friends, family, and daughter. My business is part of my identity.
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my business definitely took a huge hit because I had a child.
The breastfeeding, co-sleeping, long nights of no sleep, reliance on me for everything…if you’re a mom you understand without me having to lay out 109840392840938049832 more examples of the sacrifice. It was a season where I was wholly needed.
I also dealt with a LOT of depression and regret. I talked openly about the regret and I will continue to, now that I’m on the other side. For a while I thought to myself, “What have I done? Did I make the biggest mistake of my life?” Now that I’m on medication I can step back and realize that this (while the hardest) is the best thing I will ever do with my life.
I create very deep and custom work for my clients. In doing so I have to charge a lot of money. That means that most of my clients are finding me through networking events, word of mouth from past clients, galleries, etc. Not many people are booking me off of Google (cold leads).
Imagine how my business starts to suffer when I’m in postpartum depression and I’m not leaving my house.
I also went through the horrific two years of eczema all over my face and neck. That’s a whole other story, but it also kept me isolated.
That’s almost three years of not putting myself out there to find clients.
My business suffered. My mental health and self-worth suffered.
When I started to talk about it is when I began to find a community of other women business owners who felt the same as I did. I was asked to be on podcasts and talk about it. I was asked to be in galleries and show my work and give my artist statement (which I’ll put at the bottom of this post because it relates). I was asked to speak at an amazing conference Focus and Flourish (which I just got back from last week and am so inspired).
All of this was BECAUSE of my daughter. All of this was because I knew that I had to run my business in a way that served me in this new season and also supported my daughter.
Women started hiring me BECAUSE I was a mother and openly talked about my struggles. They said that I was a safe-space and they knew that I would document them with rawness and honesty. They were willing to be brave because they saw me go first.
It came full circle last week. Maeve came to a show that was featuring one of my pieces. She had never been to a gallery show I was in. I will never forget the feeling I had when she and Matt walked through the door and she saw me. She wrapped her arms around me and was so excited. She had me show her the art and then, lastly, we turned the corner and I said, “Do you remember seeing this in our house? This is the art piece.” She smiled and even gave me a kiss.
She was proud of me.
I was proud of me.
I’m crying writing this and thinking about that moment.
I used to do this for me. I still do this for me. But, now I have her watching. I have a responsibility to show her that we have the chance to find a way to serve others while serving ourselves. That mommy follows her dreams every day and she can do the same.
I thought my daughter would be the death of my business, but instead, she grew it in ways I’ll never be able to quantify.
I love you Maeve.
ARTIST STATEMENT:
"Rob Walker writes, “Being creative — whether you are an artist, designer, writer, entrepreneur, or engaged in work or play that falls anywhere on the spectrum between those ideas — begins with noticing what others have overlooked. Whether that entails spotting problems that need to be fixed, underrated phenomena that should be celebrated, or hidden-in-plain-sight mysteries that demand explanation, it means tuning out distraction and engaging with the world.”
My favorite part of what he wrote was, “Being creative begins with noticing what others have overlooked.”
When I became a mother I felt incredibly overlooked and isolated. My entire pregnancy was spent being fawned over, making sure I was okay, doctors checking on me, etc. After I had my daughter it was no longer about my health, my needs, my wants, or my mental health. Even women who aren’t mothers are often overlooked and the ones who take care of everyone else in their lives.
My promise with each woman I photograph is that I’m going to bring them into the light. There is no more hiding. There is no more telling yourself that your family comes first and you’ll stay in the shadows.
Is it uncomfortable? ABSOLUTELY!"