What I was telling myself is, “I’m not worthy”.
I spend so much of my life helping others feel worthy and yet, it feels impossible to give that to myself.
I’ve missed out on networking events, time with friends and family, and celebrations because of how I look.
Read MoreI've been fighting motherhood since Maeve was born. I have a hard time letting go of control. There is something so hard about surrendering your thought of how parenthood "would" be.
But, the other side has been incredibly beautiful.
It's not Maeve's responsibility to inspire my growth, but she has just by her sheer existence. I'm facing hard truths about myself and areas I need to stretch and improve upon. This is the work I should have been putting in long before I had a child, simply to become a better person. But, I wasn't. She pushes me to see my areas of weakness and make them into the strongest parts of me.
I never realized how resilient I can be until the process of becoming pregnant and everything that has followed.
She's also made me the best version of an artist to date. I've always served mothers, but now it goes much deeper. The way I can empathize and strive to give them an experience that will mean more as the years go by. This time in our lives is all about survival and my mission is to give mothers a few moments of breath...a few moments of letting go of control and expectations.
"I feel there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people: - Van Gogh
When there were villages was postpartum depression as prevalent? We feel we have to preface every complaint with, “I love my child, BUT…” It’s out of fear of judgement, or hell, fear of saying how hard this is out loud and admitting that we don’t know how or when it will get better. We weren’t designed to live this way. Maeve was designed to have many sisters and brothers, in a village. My husband and I were designed to have others around us who told the same stories and helped us look after our little love. I don’t know the solution, but I write all of this because I don’t know where else to put it at times. I write all of this because I know we could fill so many villages full of people who are out there, crying, because they don’t have a village.
Read MoreAs I learned to exhale and take care of myself, I was able to allow others to inhale and exhale even deeper.
My clients gave me that freedom. These women allowed me to find myself and praised me for doing so. They never called me a fraud. They held my hand through it without even knowing.
All of this happened because I found my “why” in my work.
When women contact me about the possibility of a boudoir session, I want to get to THEIR "why".
Why now? Why have you come to this decision? Why is this important to you?
Read MoreThe first photograph is my client's wall after installation.
The second photograph is what I designed in my software.
My client said to me, "It's rare that you see something that is exactly how it looked from conception and you did that for us."
That is a magical feeling.
I'm really proud of this one. I'm most proud because of the text I received last night, from said client, "Shannon, our house feels like a home. Thank you, thank you."
I'm an artist and a big part of me is a narcissist at heart. I love the feeling I get when someone "likes" one of my photographs on social media. But, the truth is that it's so fleeting. After I post the photo, and it is liked by others, it is soon forgotten. These photographs will not be forgotten. They will live on in my client's home. Every day, when they walk downstairs, this is the first thing they will see. Sloan, their daughter, will see how much she was/is loved.
This is why I do it. The love this family will see for each other, every single day, that is my why.
